Nuggets

I finally found the time to write this. I'm still pretty tired from the weekend so I might just keep this short and to the point. I'm tired.

Our Infinite Struggle

Today/tonight concludes the final night I will spend in this house and even more so, sleep in this place I have called my room. I am the only constant in this house. People have come and gone. Pets have come and gone but nothing has been closer to me than Crunchbite. I love that lazy bastard to death and thankfully he's coming along with us for the ride to our new home. A few weeks ago I cried myself to sleep at the thought of losing him.

When it really comes down to it, I'm actually a bit sad I lack the actual emotional attachment to this place. I've seriously lived more than half of my life in this house and the thought of just one day not coming back means nothing to me. I guess it's kinda like a break up where everything just kinda ends in place and you just walk away and never look back. Don't get me wrong, I have very fond memories of this place but I guess I could really just care less due to the way everything has played out over the last couple months and years.

Maybe I'm just ready to start life anew. Life is pretty weird when you get along better with your neighbor's parents then your actual neighbors. I should probably go to sleep since tomorrow will be a long day filled with a lot of furniture moving. Casa, thank you for all the good times but the time is up.

The End Is All I Can See

Eerie whispers
trapped beneath my pillow
won't let me sleep
your memories

and I know you're in this room
I'm sure I heard you sigh
Floating in between
where our worlds collide

scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see

and I know the moment's near
and there's nothing you can do
look through a faithless eye
are you afraid to die?

it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see

It scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see

El Oraculo

En tiempos de guerra discípulo del caos
destellos de un tiempo que atrás quedó olvidado

(Oráculo).- lejanos destinos que alzan horizontes
oscuros senderos descubren mis visiones

La Esperanza es tu vida...
ya se acerca la partida.

Abre las alas de la Gloria Eterna
y cruza los cielos buscando el fin...
une los pueblos hacia la batalla
la Guerra comienza... verás morir.

La Luna, tu guía, te acerca al camino
Varada en la noche, vestigios del olvido
Tu cuerpo en el suelo, la espada a tu lado
A tumbas de nieve caminan tus soldados

La luna es tu guía, te ilumina el camino
la noche esconde secretos del destino
tu cuerpo cansado quiere reconocerlos
si escuchas al viento tu ojos podrán verlos

No luches en vano, no pierdas tu confianza
hoy toma mi mano pues te dará esperanza.

Abre Las Alas

It is exactly days like today that i have missed for quite a while. Sitting down with friends for hours and laugh at essentially anything and everything while also building upon laughs with more jokes. Today i laughed harder than i have had in weeks. On the inside i feel more at bay than during the entire summer. Tomorrow looks to be the end of the house searching, and while i won't live too close to any of my friends, it feels very good to know that the situation is finally over. The only thing I plan on doing tonight is snuggle up with my cow and call it a night. Im not going to see anyone this weekend so I'll just watch horror movies to spend my time like I do every weekend. No one in my family likes them and only a few of my friends do, so there is not much I can do.

In other news, i had a dream last night. I was outside a random house with America and inside the house was Gio and Bob, who were playing Guitar Hero and weren't answering any calls. When they finally opened, just sat outside on the floor and talked. I then saw in the park these homeless guys counting all the money they had got together and i walked over to give them. I thought i had one dollar bills (like i actually do have right now in my wallet) but all i had was a two dollar bill. I gave it to them and that's where it ended.

The day is officially over for me. Good night and enjoy your afternoon.

Rise or Fall

I'm not really too sure if I can say life is back on the upswing, but it at least appears that way. Not only can I walk again, but I can ride my bike. Everyone's hopes are high on getting approved to buy the house we want and I'm slowly getting back in the school mode. I feel like I'm starting fresh in a way. I still don't dream and I still don't have aspirations for life but that's not stopping me from anything. I also just bought a pentagram patch for my bag and sowed it on already. I like how it came out. Well good night everyone.

A Boring Conclusion

Today was a very boring day. I've been home all day except for the two trips I made to Smart and Final. Watching Chivas tie was pretty depressing but that appears to be the highlight of my day. I've done literally nothing. My knee is slowly getting better and my walking has almost become flawless but it's probably going to be another week or two before I even find myself riding my bike, oh well. For the second day in a row, I find myself alone. I'm too lazy to go to the movies by myself or even to get a cup of coffee from Starbucks. It's not really the same when you don't have company. Instead I'm going to entertain myself with some horror movies. Last night I watched Stigmata and jeez does that movie still freak me out. It's about a girl who randomly begins to get the same injuries as Jesus during the crucifixion. Any horror movie that does a great job of tying in religion always creeps me out, which in turn makes me want to finish a movie that much more. Well enough blabbing from my side, time to lullaby myself to sleep with some horror movies. I'm turning off my computer and leaving my phone in a different room to stay away from it. I just plan on watching the movies and going to sleep. Today is officially over for me and I don't really feel like talking to anyone. Tomorrow is a new day and we'll see what it brings. Good night everyone.

Nightmare

Well I woke up today, so I guess that means I'm not dead right? Unless this is a dream and I'm having this horrible illusion where my brain has told me I woke up at 6 this morning to do nothing but follow the Liverpool vs Arsenal game over twitter (Arsenal won by the way. Finally got our first three points). But how do I really know this is not an illusion, I tasted Hazelnut coffee. I made it myself and recognized I didn't put enough cream the first time. The wound under my elbow appears to finally have scabbed up. Still a lot of pain but definitely much less than before. I don't really have much to say this morning I guess. I'm really in Mercyful Fate mood which is why I posted "Nightmare." Well I'm off to do nothing. Adios.

There's a Light in the Doorway
Entering Shadows whose Number is 13
They do the Sign of the Devil's Seed
I'm in the Middle of a magic Ring
Somebody tell me, what's goin' on

Is It All Just In My Head?

To a certain extent, I still believe yesterday didn't really happen. I'm not in a state of shock, a state of sadness or a state of realization of making actual sense of my tumble. Yesterday I almost lost my life for fuck's sake and all I walked away with was scrapes, cuts and bruises. I guess I just haven't taken the time for my body to actually sit, relax and realize that luck got the better of me. At the moment, my helmet appears to be more like a trophy saying "I'm not dead yet." As many things went wrong for me in that one moment, so many others went just right. I'm really fortunate with the scrape that landed centimeters from my eye. Had things gone even worse, I could've found myself blind in one eye. I'm still not sure how I didn't break my arm or dislocate my ankle due to directly falling on my elbow/underarm, hip, knee and ankle with the weight of the bike on top. The worst part of the fall is pain that resides under my skin. The pain of walking, showering, washing my hands. The back of my left palm is fucked up and very sensitive due to losing three or more layers of skin on some parts and very deep cuts on other parts. The entire bottom of my right arm is either covered in bruises, scabs or still some partial blood. I still have an open wound under my elbow with like an inch radius. Whatever, I'm stopping right here because just thinking about the battle scars makes them hurt. I'm not even disgusted from the wounds, it's just the pain that comes with each one gets to me every here and there. I think that at the end of the day I'm just going to laugh this off, just like everything else in life. I don't even consider myself a sane person anymore. I know I should be afraid to ride a bike, tremble at the thought of possibly falling again but in my head it's all just part of the game of life. I guess in this case I'm my own worst enemy for just throwing my life out there again but fuck it. If I'm going to die young, I'd rather die doing something I love. I hope all my friends know I love them because I will never know when the day will come that I might not make it home in one piece. Good night and hopefully tomorrow I will wake a normal person.

It's Just Another Saturday

No more waiting on them
as you rise inside new rooms
It's offical you've gone
you can live for no one else
Man the guilt must be huge
As there's no gain in failure
you succeed at being mine

Yeah, old friend, see you there
I will be proud from afar
I can paint a picture
in a moment of memories
and there aren't many left
I am extradited, uninvited

It's just another saturday

Take a step to freedom
You and her lothing this cruel world
Take a breath of shelter and exhale
Trust and allegiance
Leberate yourself from hell

It's just another saturday.