School

With the end of the semester I'm finally beginning to feel better about certain things. I know I'm not the greatest student or probably ever will be a great student, but when it comes to this, I know I'm the source of my own misery. I'm the only person who can be blamed for such shitty grades as my own. I pretty much have a C+ average gpa and have already failed and got Ds in a handful of classes. I'm glad that I have slowly progressed as a better student. I'm hoping next semester I can finally get pure As and Bs, and thankfully I have just the right people around me to help me get there.

I've been falling more in love with Anthropology. It's crazy how much a person's life and body is influenced by culture, religion and natural environment. I have such a small grasp on it and can't wait for my mind to still grow with more classes.

Jotun

I'm feeling a bit crappy today. I think it has to do with the weather. I mean sure my day has gone better than yesterday, but not really by much. Though I do prefer laying in bed staring at my computer from having nothing to do, over hating myself from brain melting exams, both still suck.

I've already planned to go bike riding tomorrow morning right after I wake up as a way to partially shake off the feeling. Tomorrow is another day that finds itself to be spent mostly at home, so I need to get out, even if it's for a little bit, just so I don't end up digging my own burial. I even lost all temptation to watch movies at home. THAT'S MY FAVORITE THING TO DO HERE!!! I'm hoping tomorrow there will be a spark in my head that goes off so I can think of a bunch of movies to watch when I get back home. But then again, it could be that my body is recovering from being burnt out from all the paper writing and studying during finals. The past 10 days were not kind at all to my body and mind. I could still use a hug, but I guess holding Jiffy when I go to sleep will do for now.

It's also a starless night sky tonight. I think the reason why I find it so beautiful is because it's an empty sky. There is no particular object to look at.

I really hope I dream tonight (and I'm not talking about one of those bullshit five second dreams either!). I just want to fucking dream again like I used to. I'm jealous of people who can dream on a daily basis. I hate not having something to look forward to as I lay down to sleep. The idea of having a dream that takes me on an adventure...I can't even dream about that.

"A body of black that carried no reflection"

Headache, stressed, no one to talk to and four hours of school still left. For a last day of class, today is pretty miserable. I hope I passed my Anthro 311 final. Answer 5 out of 7 short answer essay questions?! Fuck that killed my brain and I still have yet to recover. I still have to sit through 2 hours of regular class for my final and right now I'm the shittiest of moods to go through that. Can't wait to wake up tomorrow and think, "yay, nothing to do today and no one to talk to" just like every other day I'm home.

a hug would be nice about now

Whoops

So it just occurred to me that I brought a bullet belt to school right after there was a massacre (sounds appropriate to me) on Friday at an elementary school. I'm probably going to be profiled today, but I think I'll be ok. haha

I was also hoping to hang out with Gio today (he's the last person I know taking finals) but it turned out not to be so. So far I've been on campus for a little over three hours and am going to be here until 10 pm. I'll find something to do.

Killing and Kiltin' It

I'm feeling very ranty this morning. Not to sure why I am about religion, but I do know why about gender roles in society. I'm too lazy to rant about religion (computer is going to die in 30 minutes and I don't feel like getting up and plugging it into the wall) so I'll just keep this one strictly on the second one (that's an oxymoron right? "second one" sounds pretty ridiculous now that I think about it).

I read this mini-paper by someone named Roland Barthes on how toys set up social standards by adults on children and it got me all ranty (especially because I agreed). It's pretty shitty to live in such a society that forces invisible rules upon others. Boys have to play with boy toys and girls with their own. I've always had a problem with parents who get little girls plastic babies and strollers to take care of. Nothing is better as a parent than saying "hey two year old baby, one day you might be a mom, so take care of this plastic baby."If society wants people to be unique individuals (ironically, later in life), then why does this implementation not happen earlier? This is the reason why I love to learn about other cultures. Ask the Scotts if they like wearing kilts. Bring one of those bad boys to the US and you'll get looks everywhere.

From The Frying Pan, Into The Fire

Last night was great. Went to celebrate Mathew's birthday at Jeremy's house with America and Genesis. The entire family was there and I got to introduce America as my girlfriend to everyone :) We ate posole and pizza, and then watched Once Upon A Time with hilarious commentary, throwing in jokes from all over the place. After, America and I met up with John, Carlos, Lindsey, Clara, Kim and Gaby to go see The Hobbit. That movie is just spectacular. The way Peter Jackson sets up the story is great and the action scenes are above par. There is a scene that finds the dwarves and Gandolf running through Orc mines and there is a specific shot where the group is split into two parts and simultaneously battling orcs one level above the other. Then to top it off, when we got out of the movie, at 2:30 am, we all went for breakfast at IHOP for some pancakes and good laughs. I got this Iced Coffee Mocha thing that was LOADED with sugar. The waiter could have at least given me a spoon to stir it. I ended up drinking three of those bad boys and while I didn't get a sugar rush or anything, the after effect was still brutal haha. Clara tried to emulate my "That's not the point" phrase and failed miserably. After a good 5 pancakes, we finished at 4 am and decided to call it a night/morning. I hope in the future we can do it again.

Today looks like it's going to be horrible. My mom woke up in a horrible mood and apparently is having a bunch of people over to eat. Then it turned out, one of the people she invited decided they were going to invite a bunch of other people, which just made my mom go that much more ballistic. Everything points to me just staying in my room all day. Hopefully America can join us, but if she can't well that's okay too. I'm setting my day's expectations pretty low, so there is only one way to find out whether it turns out well or not.

My mother has good intentions but i think Im token cynical at heart with her

I'm ready for the day to be over and Saturday to come. Spend time with America, go visit Jeremy and the entire Hernandez/Martinez family and then go see The Hobbit with the Cellar

Such a bland and boring day. No one to talk to. No one to see. Nothing to do. No way to get around.