I miss so many little things and I'm deprived of all of it. So many interactions and moments that just don't happen anymore. I miss it all and it's really frustrating at times. Ugh

Not bad for four weeks 

The Small Print

Do I get annoyed? Of course I get annoyed. When I see someone forcefully trying to take a bag off of someone's shoulders while they're carrying something, annoys me. When I see someone trying to be cute because they want to be able to get away with eating spicy food even though they know it has negative effects on their body and digestive system, I get annoyed. And when someone lowers their voice because I'm approaching or sitting really close, well of fucking course you're going to bet that I'm going to get annoyed. You add all this up into a time span of a little over an hour and I'm going to be pretty god damned annoyed. That was last night and I'm still pretty annoyed by it now. Fuck

Thoughts

I think I've passed her point of no return. I don't think it actually ever got better

Maybe I want to talk too before bed, not just "good night. remember to wake me up in the morning"

.

It's almost been 3 weeks. Some nights I don't really sleep as well as I tell myself I do. Other nights, like tonight, I have trouble getting to a sleepy point. I'm where I am because of the mistakes I've made. And that's the truth.

Reality Check

Got kicked out of my own bed and been sleeping on the couch for almost a week now. It sucks.

Self Assessment

I need to improve myself mentally. I'm not talking about the asshole me that gets annoyed by people who wear sandals or leggings for pants, I mean by holding others to my own merit. My parents do this and it bugs the shit out of me. I don't care if one parent isn't as good as the other one because they don't do x, y, or z. I never noticed it until rather recently. I'm not ashamed of myself because I do understand the logic behind it: both parties hypothetically share the same responsibilities in all sorts of matters (like keeping a person happy, buying necessities,etc). I sound like an asshole right now (and I'm glad I do because it makes me a better person to know what I'm doing wrong ) when I say I think I represent an ideal partner in a relationship. Does it make me sound self centered? Yes. Most likely a prick too but I personally believe I carry those characteristics. Am I perfect? Hell no. So what am I getting at? Well sometimes I get annoyed when other people aren't like me, in the sense that they don't do many of the same responsibilities that I believe should be shared by partners. Am I wrong? Fuck yes I am. I am myself. I am no other person in any other relationship or even in my own. I am damaging myself when I perceive that other people should do more. How? Because I can't set my own personal standards to other people. We were all raised differently and share different or even conflicting ideas on how to approach different things. So lately I've been getting rather recently annoyed because a person who I share a living space with has no job, spends the most time at home, and does the least amount around the house. This is my perception of how I see things. I'm not sure if I'm even correct but they are also dealing with some mental health issues. For all I know they lack all motivation to do anything but: sleep, go on tumblr and watch Grey's Anatomy all day. I know they're also stressed out having moved from New York to LA (and adjusting to life without relatives or a best friend) and not having yet to find a job. I'll slowly get better at this.

Ridiculous

It's weird to see a person in denial about their eating habits. You can't even finish a kid's meal, why do you even order large portions of food?!

Truth

I need to do better. This has been a bit of a mess and I know I'm part of the problem. I'm most likely a bigger part of the problem than I thought I have been. I'm monogamous to the core.