The Duo

I feel like a lot of times, Gio and I are a comedy duo and it is exactly moments like these that demonstrates the type of friendship we have.

I posted this last night around midnight and who better than Gio to continue the joke. We're a one-of-a-kind duo. That is all. Good night.

The Perks of Being Jazz

I don't fear death and today was another great example why that is. Today I believe my life was the closest it has ever been to ending. It rather interesting to see the whole thing play out especially since there are still injuries that don't seem to add up with what happened (or at least my own recollection. For all I know, my body is still in shock and fucking with what I thought happened). So pretty much I was biking down Exposition Blvd on the bike lane to get to the Metro Western Station when I slipped on the shattered remains of head light and rear light covers from an accident and fell on my right side. I slide completely horizontally to the ground and crashed directly head first into the sidewalk (or the curb I guess, since I was at ground level in the first place). With no real sense of what had happened, I just got up, picked up my bicycle and walked towards the train station since I was already almost there. The first step was the hardest. It felt like I couldn't move my ankle and most of the feeling had disappeared from my foot from the knee down. I just limped and limped and limped some more. My arms were covered in dirt and blood. Nothing put me more in my place than realizing I had broken my helmet. The top of my helmet crashed directly into the curb. Just looking at the cracks now are pretty surreal. Had I not been wearing a helmet, I probably would have cracked open both the side and top of my head and just have let blood gash all over the place. Even my neck begins to randomly have the sensation of being sore. It also turned out that I scrapped part of the right side of my face while sliding. I didn't even realize it until I saw myself before taking a shower. Looking back onto all of it now, my helmet easily was the difference between life and death. I guess I'm pretty grateful my mom makes me wear it every time I go biking. I hated it at first when I bought it back in January because I looked a bit goofy with it on but it grew on to me over time. My helmet complemented my hair pretty well. Even my friend Madison told me she was jealous of how well I was able to pull off my long hair down with the helmet on. Sometimes when I'm getting ready to leave the house and go biking, I stress out for not being able to find my helmet and even freak out at times. Coincidentally of all though, right before I fell down, I was telling myself I would rather look goofy than risk cracking open my skull and almost instances later, there I was, sliding on the floor. This event isn't going to stop me from riding my bicycle once again after my ankle gets better. On Tuesday I plan to go directly to the store to buy a new one and get back on the streets. I don't get an adrenaline rush from any of this, just in my mind there is no fear of what may happen the second things go wrong. Do I have problems? Probably, but the world is going to have to try harder to take me out. I'm a trooper on the inside and will keep on riding the streets until it is 100% physically impossible for me to do so. If the world thinks it won the battle, man was it wrong. But enough with that, how about the pictures?

 

"Don't let the fucking world, bring you down"- DevilDriver

Confusion

One of my mom's friends told me yesterday, "I can't believe you study anthropology in college and listen to heavy metal. They're complete opposites." What the fuck? I didn't even know there was a correlation in the first place. Comparing my taste in music and the subject I'm studying in school is like saying "I can't believe you wear Converse shoes and drive a Honda." It's exactly people like these that depress me. Your reasoning is not helping the world get any smarter. Now let's say it was possible to choose a degree based on the music you listened to, what would one choose? None because the music you listen to is not a determining factor in ANYTHING. I was listening to "Priests of Sodom" by Cannibal Corpse and they go, "Can you even understand it?" and they were shocked when I said yes. Obviously I didn't tell them what the song was about since they're Catholic, but people can be so absent minded, it scares me. I will sit here and continue to listen to heavy metal because when it comes to questioning my musical tastes, the world can go fuck itself. Now off to listen to some Dimmu Borgir. Have a great day everyone.

Little Things That Go A Long Way

2007 was a life defining moment for me. Two specific things happened that I believe have been essential in the development of the Jazz everyone sees today both physically and mentally. The first would be my ex Diana (who was my gf back then) who did numerous things to me. She, in simple terms (and I mean VERY simple terms), took me for granted and caused me much pain and heartache. Until this day I still don't understand why she cheated on me 3 times and almost cheated another 3 times in that same period. Those events taught me that as a person, I'm too nice. I forgave her the first 2 times and on the third she broke up with me for the third guy she cheated on while with me. They broke up after a month and she came to me asking for forgiveness one last time and wanting me back. Thankfully by then, for me, enough was enough and I caught all ties with her. She only listened to hip-hop and reggaeton, only wore Abercrombie and Hollister and the list keeps going. In zero ways the girl I would probably date ever again. I learned my lesson. To this day, I still feel like I have hatred towards her inside me, but at the same time, I was 14 and she was 13. People make mistakes and your childhood and teenage years are a learning process. I think that it is exactly events like this that have twisted and sickened my mind to the dark void that it appears to be today. Am I more mature than most people my age and those a few years older than me? Probably. Do I think some of the darkest thoughts that many people should never even think of in their entire life? Without a doubt. But am I evil? Fucking yes I am.

Defining moment two was the release of DevilDriver's The Last Kind Words and listening to "Not All Who Wander Are Lost." Why this song of all? Because of non other than the line "All of your hopes and dreams never meant shit." That one line changed my complete outlook and philosophy of life. I grew up through life hating my personal appearance. I was a fat kid who everyone made fun of. I've spent the past 10 years of my life weighing 200 pounds (since 4th grade to be exact). My dad always told me I was wasting my time learning how to play instruments and said I was wasting his time by not being a straight A student in school. The interesting thing about the set of lyrics is that it made me realize I spent to much time considering the opinions of others and didn't live happily myself. Setting no dreams or aspirations meant that there was no way to fail but still leaves the sky as the limit of whatever I chose to do. It's turned into my life motto and I kindly give myself reminders on an almost daily basis of it. I may not have any dreams, but I don't see myself as lost either. I'm not currently happy with life. My dad hates my family with an indescribable rage. Moving houses is just a giant mess. I don't even want to have hopes to where ever we end up moving too. The divorce itself seems like it never ended in the first place.

Since school started again, I continued the tradition I've had for the past 11 years, playing Deftones' "Back in School." I heard this song while in Mexico and it opened my eyes to the Deftones. Well I guess that is all for not.

Got my bullet belt. It's awesome and a pain to put on and take off haha. Well blog, until next time.

Not Getting Ahead of Myself

I'm a simple guy attempting to live a simple life. Life is not simple. It looks like we might have found a place to live but I'm trying not to get my hopes up high just yet. It's a place we all like and would like to move to, but I don't want to be disappointed like with other things in the past.

On a side note, I did an evaluation in all of my classes of women I found attractive and the conclusion was zero. Why I did it? I'm not sure myself. Maybe the single life has fully settled in. Who knows, cause I don't.

Metaphor

You stole my pure intentions
You are the sickness in between
Let me in, I’ll bury the pain

You taught me to be sad as you
You almost made me take it all
Let me in, I’ll bury the pain

You bend me and you shake me
You beg me then you break me
Let me in, I’ll bury the pain

You made me feel like a sinner
You fear you’ll die alone
Let me in, I’ll bury the pain

The sickness that you are
A plague that made me starve
Do you think you can show me
How I come this far?

The sickness that you are
A plague that made me starve
Do you think you can show me
How I come this far?

I feel it’s taking over
And everything falls dark
Break me open, the desperate cry

The sickness that you are
A plague that made me starve
Do you think you can show me
How I come this far?

The sickness that you are
A plague that made me starve
Do you think you can show me
How I come this far?

Break Out The Shotguns

I guess tomorrow life will be a little more normal than it's been these last few weeks and months. To say the least, this summer has definitely been a handful. School is once again back in session for me in less than 8 hours. Im happy since it'll get my mind off of things and keep me busy for the time being. The great thing than comes with this is getting in the rhythm of seeing all my friends on a daily basis. They're the ones that I one day hope to make proud by graduating. They're also essentially all that i have. Good night blog.

Evolution Or Oppression

I'm not sure if the me who appears today is formed from the process of me becoming more of a metal head over time, or me letting out the metal head I've always wanted to be. I've always loved the "Satanic" imagery that has come with heavy metal. Pentagrams, devil horns and inverted crosses are essentially the backbone of metal, along with black, studs and spikes. Now that my parents somewhat let me dress however I would like to, I feel like I've let myself go. I love my Arch Enemy "Pure Fucking Metal" shirt with the pentagram on the front and I want to get a Venom "Welcome to Hell" shirt that also features the pentagram. I ordered my first bullet belt earlier this week and I'm considering wearing it everyday until I no longer can. It's just one of those things I've always wanted. I think this is all just the oppressed me coming to light. Even with all these things, I'm not a "Satanic" person and there is no logical way I can even believe in that. I would like to thank that guy at Paganfest who wore a shirt that said "Who needs God when you have Satan." That moment made me realize that not believing in the idea of God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and a higher being also automatically relieved me of the idea of believing in/worshiping Satan (who is one of God's angels). By all logical reason, you have to believe in God to believe in Satan. Without light, there is no shadow and vice-versa. It's funny how life changing certain moments in life are. I am just a person who morally doesn't agree with organized religion (mainly Catholicism and its many related religions) and do not label or feel sensitive towards certain imagery. If you ask me, not it just kinda seems I'm just ranting off. Well, at least there are all my thoughts for the night. Good night and good luck.

Hold Your Ponies

I was biking the other day in a pair of jeans and a black button up shirt, when my mom saw me and said, "mira que guapo estas" and I tell her to not get ahead of herself. I then explained to her that I only use that certain button up for biking so my shirts would not get the little cotton balls. I already know that the number of girls I appeal to equal zero, so I'd rather not let my mom get her hopes up. I walk around wearing all black, pentagrams, (as of Wednesday of next week) bullet belts, long hair that is almost down to my elbows (but not quite yet, which is frustrating) and ride around town on a bike. (If you ask me, 0% mother approval) I'm a very sociable person, but it's understandable why people chose not to talk to me, whatever. Keep on judging me world.

Diminishing Health

For these past few days, I have not been eating lunch and have been biking more than the usual amount. Circumstances all just somehow end up leading to me not eating a single bite of food for lunch. Rather than aiding my body that needs more energy now than ever, I don't appear to be there for its aid. Also, I need to rethink my breakfasts than just waffles with coffee or bread with coffee when I'm going to ride my bike later in the day. I have no actual energy when I really need it, like going uphill or when I need to pick up my pace and keep it at a constant while riding next to cars. I'm trying to get back in shape, but every day it feels like I'm further and further away.