Ducks

Feels good to finally have the time to write this. No idea what I really want to talk about though, so I'm just going to blab. Yesterday I had my midterm for Urban Studies 310 and spent all week and weekend studying. I love my that class since we get a lot into politics and how our political system screws so much of middle and lower class America. Now that everything has finally settled around the house, I have found time to watch my Disney movies. Tangled is a very underrated film and cracks me up everytime I watch it. I still love the scene where everyone sings about their dream at The Snuggly Duckling. I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching it. I've also been watching Beauty and the Beast for one thing, Lefou. I love comic-relief characters and he's definitely one of the best. My favorite scene of the entire movie is when Lefou gets the band to play (below) when Gaston is trying to get Belle to marry him. On a separate note, I feel content with recent stuff that has popped up. I'm very happy with what is happening. Well it is time for dinner, maybe I'll post something else tonight before going to bed.

Post

As much as I hate it when people go relationship crazy and constantly post stuff in their statuses (insert Bob here) on Facebook, it is people like an old friend Hilario, that I find myself coming back. Sadly he has not posted anything new in a while, but his last set of posts amused me. They are in the following order:

I don't mind not understanding the dude, but I believe no one sums Facebook better than David:

Aspirations

Failure is not an option when you aspire to nothing. Life continues to give me no reasons to aspire for something better. I'm only a failure to those who impose their own expectations on me. Maybe one day I'll wake up and believe "Jazz, there is atleast one person out there who wants to see you graduate from college" or maybe "there is someone out there worth living life for" or even "you'll never beat Donkey Kong 64, so just give up." My life will eventually need goals, aspirations and reasons to work hard in life, but that time doesn't appear to be anytime soon. I guess the only real goal I have is graduate from college. I don't even know what I want out of life. Five years ago, I lived with my entire family, two years ago I lived with my dad, one year ago I lived with my mom and now the divorce has strained so many family relations. We were forced to sell the home I planned on living in for the rest of my life. Oh well, material things come and go just as people do. I have to admit that I'm completely baffled as life threw a curveball and reintroduced someone into my life. Is it temporary like other times before? No idea, but I welcome them with open arms. I'm still cracking the same jokes, so I'm not complaining. Maybe it's just time to relax and see what happens in life. A few concerts are coming up, so I've definitely got a few things to look forward to.

Black Nails

Either it has grown on me or I biasedly believe that I can pull off black nails. I need to do it again sometime soon. Sure it probably pushes women farther away from me, but I don't give a damn.

On a completely separate and very random note, I've been watching this childhood video of mine over and over since it still makes me laugh now as it did like 15 years ago. 

The song that makes me crack up begins at 2:18. These are some of the creepiest looking bears I've ever seen and as my friend Alex once put it, "they have faces only a mother could love" haha. Good night everyone.

A Story I'll Always Remember

When it comes to memories, a lot of people have a tendency to only remember the good ones and block out the meh and bad ones. Well most of my memories since about third grade have remained inside my brain. One that has stuck with me is one I find a bit interesting and awkward. What happened was that I was meeting the entire family of one of my past ex-girlfriends for the first time and her little cousin Emily (she was like 8 years old at the time. Loveable little girl) walks up to me and asks "Where is Ronald?" (her ex-boyfriend before me). I just sat there and responded "I have no idea." Why I still remember that one moment in time, I don't know. But it always makes me laugh when I look back to that day.

Complaining

A few days ago, my friend America and I were talking about how picky I am when it comes to girls and how I complain about a lot of things that women wear. I think of is as just a small refined set of qualities I would like a potential woman to have. I think it's pretty simple: wear mostly black, listen or at least not hate metal, not wear sandals and flats, not dress with extremely revealing clothes or those giant pieces of cloth that hipsters wear that look like sarapes (if you don't know what I'm talking about, click here), and lastly not wear make-up. Am I asking for too much? I don't think so, but maybe I am. Most women wear a lot of clothes I don't like, but simultaneously, I don't like the average girl. There is always a catch to everything. Just like I'm pretty sure most women don't like guys with long hair who wear all black with many of the shirts being gruesome. But that ain't my problem. This guy ain't changing for no one ;) Jazz out, have a great day everyone.

I Need To

Stop fantasizing about dying and asking for people to not remember me. Even though that is what I would ultimately want.

Forget the Worm

It really sucks being an early bird type of person during the phase of my life where every person around me is a night owl. I think the frustration has gotten to me of waking at 6 or 7 am on a constant basis. I want to sleep in but my body doesn't believe in it. During the summer, aka 3 entire months of not having to use an alarm, I was still up at 6. I really hope one day my body decides to change, but if it doesn't, then I guess I'm just stuck in the same place for the rest of my life.

Just Another Normal Day

Today I spent some good quality time with my mom. Since the divorce, our relationship has been pretty rocky but gotten a lot better over the last 3 years. I don't have much to say but I really enjoyed it. On the other hand, it still really annoys me how immature my step dad can be over certain things, especially women. His objectification of women annoys the shit out of me. There is more to people than breasts, butts and figure. There is a pretty direct line between just complimenting someone and talking about how big their [insert body part here] is. At the same time, I believe this is exactly what sets me apart from such a large part of society. When I told my entire family in Mexico that I didn't like girls who wore make-up, they all just stared confused. I don't know where this is going so I'd rather just end it here. Good night everyone.

You Can't Come Soon Enough For Me

I have finally found the time to write this blog and I hope it is as juicy as the ideas planted in my head over the course of the week that I wanted to include once I finally had the chance to write it.

Moving
It's pretty hard to put what moving was like in words. It was way too stressful. In essentially 24 hours, we packed up and moved everything in the entire house, garage and backyard to our new home. I was the only one who had packed all my belongs in advanced (3 weeks that is) and forced to live off of the same set of clothes until the day we actually moved. I'll admit that the lack of sleep and lack of planning by both of my parents did get to me to snap at certain times. On the day of moving, both of my parents had 0% of their things packed. Every drawer, shelf and closet was still full. I think the worst part of he entire move was having to wait 4 hours for my step dad to pack up his office in the garage. From 12:30 am until 4:30 am, we all just stood around waiting for him to finish. Once we were done moving everything 100% at 10:30 am, my step dad says, "Well, now we know for next time, we need to take an entire week to move." No we fucking do not man, next time YOU need to have everything packed and ready to go in advanced when the time comes.

Neighborhood
The neighborhood is something new for both Crunchbite and I. The place is so dead and deserted that I could see my self going insane here, but at the same time, I like it. Neighbors don't appear to really talk to each other and everyone just stays indoors. I'm getting Crunchbite into the habit of going on nighttime walks and I believe he's slowly getting into it. I think he likes it and I have to admit that I like it as well. It's pretty relaxing to be just the two of us walking down empty lifeless streets with horrible lighting. It was pretty interesting today because as we walked by the park, 3 cop cars stopped next to us asking if we had seen a large group of individuals just hanging out around the pool. Crunchbite and I had the same "what the hell is going on here" reaction to the cop cars. It was priceless to say the least.

My Room
My room is small but I really like it. There is just enough space to hang my guitar, have two dressers, the stereo and my bed. The ceiling is also high enough that I'm going to get a lantern style lamp. What I don't like about the room is that it's all white. I did a decent job covering the walls with posters, which looks a lot better than empty white walls (hehe "White Walls" by Between the Buried and Me just started playing in my head).

My Pals
Overall, this was a great week to hang out with my friends and put the moving stress behind me. Gio, Bob, David and Lawerance are some of the funniest guys at 1 in the morning (and at every other time of the day). I hung out a lot with America too. We got some delicious pizza on Wednesday before going to the Whiskey-A-Go-Go to see TYR, Moonsorrow and Korpiklaani. Sometime during the week, I was washing dishes and Zoya comes up to me and says "Wow Jazz, you would know how to wash dishes. You're so Mexican." On Thursday I saw my old neighbor Ed. We had some good laughs remembering memories from the summer.

Concert
Going to the Whiskey and seeing pagan metal was super epic. All three bands were great live (we were not able to make it in time for the first two acts thanks to my crappy knowledge of freeway exits. On the bill there were 5 bands). Although this show was nowhere near close of Paganfest III back in April, it was pretty close. I think pagan metal is just my type of music. Always energy filling and great for cycling. There were a bunch of girls like 5 feet high and I was worried for a good amount of the show that I was going to accidentally elbow one of them in the face. I could really have cared less about them until they were the main cause for re injuring my knee. Either you fucking get in the pit or you don't. None of the pitting in place shit.

Soccer
Watching Chivas win last night was too stressful of a game. Seeing Marco Fabian get injured and then the ref having a horrible double standard for fouls. They struggled all game and were lucky to pull off the 2-1 win. Arsenal on the other hand, were just smokin' oakin' in England. 6-1 thrashing over Southampton (it is pronounced just like it's read: South-ampt-uhn) continue to show this team is definitely ready to fight for the title. On Tuesday is Arsenal vs Montpellier in the Champions League and on Saturday is Arsenal vs Manchester City. These are important season games so early. I'm just so excited.

ParaNorman
Today I took myself to see ParaNorman. All my friends went with someone else on their own time to see the movie so I figured that being my own date was just the thing to do (besides the fact that I had yet to see it). The movie was made by the same people who made Coraline and it had that feeling from the very beginning. The movie was hilarious and easily the best I've seen all year. I thought the whole supernatural vibe of the movie was just awesome. In modern culture, there is a pretty fine when it comes to mentioning witchcraft and basing themes around death and revenge in the form of a super powerful witch murdered around the time of the Salem Witch Trials. But all I know is that the movie is exceptional and I plan on adding it to my collection next to Coraline when it comes out on DVD.

Dark
Tegan and Sara aren't really thing when it comes to music.  They're definitely two extremely talented women but slow songs ain't my thing. Anyways, over the last handful of years, one of their songs has stuck with me, "Dark Come Soon." I really like it because of the depressing tone of the song both instrumentally and lyrically wise. Moving into my room just randomly reminded me of the song.

Dark, you can't come soon enough for me
Saved, from one more day of misery
Everything I love
Get back for me now
Everyone I love
I need you now
Don't forget a million miles for me
Safe and another day passed by me
Everything I love
Get back for me now
Everyone I love
I need you now
So I conned,
I lied I lied to me too
(so what?)
So I conned,
I lied I lied to me too
(so what?)
Hold out for the ones you know will love you
Hide out from the ones you know will love you
You, you too
Hike to the edge and barely there
Slow
To make my move, I'm almost there
Everything I say I say to me first
Everything I do I do to me first
So what, I lied I lied to me too
(so what?)
So what, I lied I lied to me too
Hold out for the ones you know will love you
Hide out from the ones you know will love you
You, you too
Dark you can't come soon enough for me

Nuggets

I finally found the time to write this. I'm still pretty tired from the weekend so I might just keep this short and to the point. I'm tired.

Our Infinite Struggle

Today/tonight concludes the final night I will spend in this house and even more so, sleep in this place I have called my room. I am the only constant in this house. People have come and gone. Pets have come and gone but nothing has been closer to me than Crunchbite. I love that lazy bastard to death and thankfully he's coming along with us for the ride to our new home. A few weeks ago I cried myself to sleep at the thought of losing him.

When it really comes down to it, I'm actually a bit sad I lack the actual emotional attachment to this place. I've seriously lived more than half of my life in this house and the thought of just one day not coming back means nothing to me. I guess it's kinda like a break up where everything just kinda ends in place and you just walk away and never look back. Don't get me wrong, I have very fond memories of this place but I guess I could really just care less due to the way everything has played out over the last couple months and years.

Maybe I'm just ready to start life anew. Life is pretty weird when you get along better with your neighbor's parents then your actual neighbors. I should probably go to sleep since tomorrow will be a long day filled with a lot of furniture moving. Casa, thank you for all the good times but the time is up.

The End Is All I Can See

Eerie whispers
trapped beneath my pillow
won't let me sleep
your memories

and I know you're in this room
I'm sure I heard you sigh
Floating in between
where our worlds collide

scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see

and I know the moment's near
and there's nothing you can do
look through a faithless eye
are you afraid to die?

it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see

It scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see

El Oraculo

En tiempos de guerra discípulo del caos
destellos de un tiempo que atrás quedó olvidado

(Oráculo).- lejanos destinos que alzan horizontes
oscuros senderos descubren mis visiones

La Esperanza es tu vida...
ya se acerca la partida.

Abre las alas de la Gloria Eterna
y cruza los cielos buscando el fin...
une los pueblos hacia la batalla
la Guerra comienza... verás morir.

La Luna, tu guía, te acerca al camino
Varada en la noche, vestigios del olvido
Tu cuerpo en el suelo, la espada a tu lado
A tumbas de nieve caminan tus soldados

La luna es tu guía, te ilumina el camino
la noche esconde secretos del destino
tu cuerpo cansado quiere reconocerlos
si escuchas al viento tu ojos podrán verlos

No luches en vano, no pierdas tu confianza
hoy toma mi mano pues te dará esperanza.

Abre Las Alas

It is exactly days like today that i have missed for quite a while. Sitting down with friends for hours and laugh at essentially anything and everything while also building upon laughs with more jokes. Today i laughed harder than i have had in weeks. On the inside i feel more at bay than during the entire summer. Tomorrow looks to be the end of the house searching, and while i won't live too close to any of my friends, it feels very good to know that the situation is finally over. The only thing I plan on doing tonight is snuggle up with my cow and call it a night. Im not going to see anyone this weekend so I'll just watch horror movies to spend my time like I do every weekend. No one in my family likes them and only a few of my friends do, so there is not much I can do.

In other news, i had a dream last night. I was outside a random house with America and inside the house was Gio and Bob, who were playing Guitar Hero and weren't answering any calls. When they finally opened, just sat outside on the floor and talked. I then saw in the park these homeless guys counting all the money they had got together and i walked over to give them. I thought i had one dollar bills (like i actually do have right now in my wallet) but all i had was a two dollar bill. I gave it to them and that's where it ended.

The day is officially over for me. Good night and enjoy your afternoon.

Rise or Fall

I'm not really too sure if I can say life is back on the upswing, but it at least appears that way. Not only can I walk again, but I can ride my bike. Everyone's hopes are high on getting approved to buy the house we want and I'm slowly getting back in the school mode. I feel like I'm starting fresh in a way. I still don't dream and I still don't have aspirations for life but that's not stopping me from anything. I also just bought a pentagram patch for my bag and sowed it on already. I like how it came out. Well good night everyone.

A Boring Conclusion

Today was a very boring day. I've been home all day except for the two trips I made to Smart and Final. Watching Chivas tie was pretty depressing but that appears to be the highlight of my day. I've done literally nothing. My knee is slowly getting better and my walking has almost become flawless but it's probably going to be another week or two before I even find myself riding my bike, oh well. For the second day in a row, I find myself alone. I'm too lazy to go to the movies by myself or even to get a cup of coffee from Starbucks. It's not really the same when you don't have company. Instead I'm going to entertain myself with some horror movies. Last night I watched Stigmata and jeez does that movie still freak me out. It's about a girl who randomly begins to get the same injuries as Jesus during the crucifixion. Any horror movie that does a great job of tying in religion always creeps me out, which in turn makes me want to finish a movie that much more. Well enough blabbing from my side, time to lullaby myself to sleep with some horror movies. I'm turning off my computer and leaving my phone in a different room to stay away from it. I just plan on watching the movies and going to sleep. Today is officially over for me and I don't really feel like talking to anyone. Tomorrow is a new day and we'll see what it brings. Good night everyone.

Nightmare

Well I woke up today, so I guess that means I'm not dead right? Unless this is a dream and I'm having this horrible illusion where my brain has told me I woke up at 6 this morning to do nothing but follow the Liverpool vs Arsenal game over twitter (Arsenal won by the way. Finally got our first three points). But how do I really know this is not an illusion, I tasted Hazelnut coffee. I made it myself and recognized I didn't put enough cream the first time. The wound under my elbow appears to finally have scabbed up. Still a lot of pain but definitely much less than before. I don't really have much to say this morning I guess. I'm really in Mercyful Fate mood which is why I posted "Nightmare." Well I'm off to do nothing. Adios.

There's a Light in the Doorway
Entering Shadows whose Number is 13
They do the Sign of the Devil's Seed
I'm in the Middle of a magic Ring
Somebody tell me, what's goin' on

Is It All Just In My Head?

To a certain extent, I still believe yesterday didn't really happen. I'm not in a state of shock, a state of sadness or a state of realization of making actual sense of my tumble. Yesterday I almost lost my life for fuck's sake and all I walked away with was scrapes, cuts and bruises. I guess I just haven't taken the time for my body to actually sit, relax and realize that luck got the better of me. At the moment, my helmet appears to be more like a trophy saying "I'm not dead yet." As many things went wrong for me in that one moment, so many others went just right. I'm really fortunate with the scrape that landed centimeters from my eye. Had things gone even worse, I could've found myself blind in one eye. I'm still not sure how I didn't break my arm or dislocate my ankle due to directly falling on my elbow/underarm, hip, knee and ankle with the weight of the bike on top. The worst part of the fall is pain that resides under my skin. The pain of walking, showering, washing my hands. The back of my left palm is fucked up and very sensitive due to losing three or more layers of skin on some parts and very deep cuts on other parts. The entire bottom of my right arm is either covered in bruises, scabs or still some partial blood. I still have an open wound under my elbow with like an inch radius. Whatever, I'm stopping right here because just thinking about the battle scars makes them hurt. I'm not even disgusted from the wounds, it's just the pain that comes with each one gets to me every here and there. I think that at the end of the day I'm just going to laugh this off, just like everything else in life. I don't even consider myself a sane person anymore. I know I should be afraid to ride a bike, tremble at the thought of possibly falling again but in my head it's all just part of the game of life. I guess in this case I'm my own worst enemy for just throwing my life out there again but fuck it. If I'm going to die young, I'd rather die doing something I love. I hope all my friends know I love them because I will never know when the day will come that I might not make it home in one piece. Good night and hopefully tomorrow I will wake a normal person.

It's Just Another Saturday

No more waiting on them
as you rise inside new rooms
It's offical you've gone
you can live for no one else
Man the guilt must be huge
As there's no gain in failure
you succeed at being mine

Yeah, old friend, see you there
I will be proud from afar
I can paint a picture
in a moment of memories
and there aren't many left
I am extradited, uninvited

It's just another saturday

Take a step to freedom
You and her lothing this cruel world
Take a breath of shelter and exhale
Trust and allegiance
Leberate yourself from hell

It's just another saturday.