I think in the back of my mind I'll always remember that I never made it to say good bye one last time. All I know is that I was a day too late. I arrived to find my grandmother well into eternal sleep. In her casket she laid with a few flowers and a picture of her with her children from my mom's birthday party last year. It was one of the last times, or even THE last time, the entire family got together before her passing. I remember that moment still fresh in my mind almost a year later. A family that was falling apart held together by a sibling who wanted to keep us all close.

Waking up on Saturday was nostalgic and chilling. For so many years I had woken up to sound of my grandmother calling, telling me to wake up and asking what I wanted for breakfast, conchas. This was a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly routine. She would give me ten pesos and off I would go to la tiendita de la esquina to get my Conchas Tia Rosa. I was afraid to do it this time. To walk down the same path that so many other times before seemed second nature, did nothing but bring fear to my mind. Emotions I didn't want evoked. To know that no longer I would wake up on the second floor and hear my name being called from the kitchen. To know that the familiar voice only lives now as a memory of my mind and that no one told me to cut my hair more than her.

I remember those days when my grandmother and I used to just lay down a bed sheet on the roof under the night time sky and fall asleep in the cool weather of the night. Such simple times.