Muerte

So metal will always be metal and every season of the year will always bring bring concerts, but I've randomly begun looking forward to the Carnival of Death tour with Obituary, Broken Hope, Decrepit Birth, and Jungle Rot. If I remember correctly, America mentioned this tour to me a while back, so I will credit her with peaking my interest in going. I've enjoyed all the songs so far that I've heard by the bands that will be playing, so I don't have anything more to say really than I can't wait for September 27 to roll around.

The Days of August [Updated]

Several different things in recent weeks have made me lose an appeal for what August has to offer this summer but there are still a few things I highly look forward to that do not involve moving.

• Going to the LACMA with America
• Sleepover with all my pals (hopefully gore and horror movies galore)*
• Iron Maiden with America, Gio, Irving and Kim
• Braces are coming off
• Second bicycle collective meeting of the new semester
• John's birthday
• School starts

Just six seven things in the next 3 weeks. It might appear like a little, but it's enough to keep me going. I know random days will appear with improvised hang outs with my friends, so I'm not really worrying. Plus, even if nothing were to happen in this time, I still have my Wii to enjoy

*I completely forgot about this last night haha. Seven events in 3 weeks sounds good enough to me

Grave Digging Isn't The Same As Digging Graves

So I'll admit that I've been really lazy to write this post. I know I was going to write it after breakfast but I decided to watch Robot Chicken and then watch the Poland vs Argentina game of Men's Volleyball and then played Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and Portal 2. Point is, I made up excuses and I've officially ran out of them not to write this damn post.

Anyways I found Monday and Tuesday two key days for me to return back to normal. I spent all of Monday riding around on my bicycle and visited places that probably would be better to spend with friends.

My bike parked outside Macy's Plaza

Chilling inside Macy's Plaza

Parked in front of Little Tokyo

Again in front of Little Tokyo (yes that is a yellow Ferrari)

Plaza place

Can this be considered a mall?

Union Station

Olivera St.

More Olivera St. Stuff

Luci!!!!

Tuesday was completely different. My friend John created an entire group we call "The Cellar" and we had a picnic of give or take 10 people. The entire thing was filled with good laughts, great food and Monopoly. We all essentially find the same stuff hilarious and love to eat. In the end it is a win-win situation. I've been a bit down these last couple days but them helping me smile relieves me of some of the stress of my eventual move.

Where The Dead May Be, I Will Not Be There Too

I have given a lot of thought into what exactly was going to go into this post all day but now that it's time to actually write it, I've gotten extremely lazy and have decided I will leave that for tomorrow morning when I have nothing to do after eating breakfast.

I will leave you all with one thing. When I got home yesterday from a picnic that I will further go into detail tomorrow, I felt like listening to Dexys Midnight Runner's "Come On Eileen." Very catchy, poppy and up beat song. Until next time

Haz Tu Jugada

I just lost complete interest in the day. Going to be MIA and just enjoy whatever arises (while listening to Rata Blanca).

Random Little Things That Make My Day And That Don't

Mexican Soccer League: Day Maker
I love watching soccer and I think I've written about it a handful of times here on this blog. It's a great way to spend my Friday, Saturday and Sunday afternoons/ nights if I'm not doing anything. The great thing (but also ridiculously frustrating thing) about the Mexican soccer league is that any team can win at any time. There is no complete domination and every tournament all teams have a general chance of winning the title. Very few leagues in the world are like that now.

Olympic Soccer: Day Maker or Day Ruiner
I don't really care about the Olympics, but unsurprisingly the only sport I really care about is soccer and the Mexican Men's National Team. I really want them to win their group and hopefully go on to the playoffs and fight for a medal. I woke up this morning at 6:30 to watch the game and hope my team would win (and they did). The only thing I really want to happen at the Olympics is for Mexico to walk away with a handful of medals, regardless of the color. Commentators, fans and athletes have a tendency to overemphasize failure at the Olympics instead of letting athletes be athletes and enjoy their once-in-a-lifetime experience at an event on the international stage.

Cycling: Day Maker
I love riding my bicycle and there will never be a day when that will bring me down. I don't care if I get hit by a car and sent to the hospital, cycling is too relaxing and liberating to bring me down. On Thursday night my bike was officially done being repaired and back up and running. I spent all Friday riding my bike, including going to Critical Mass with America, Gio and Luis. We rode all the way to Santa Monica and back. While it was tiring as fuck, the ride was amazing, especially the way back. Most of our returning trip was just us four on the road.

Moving: Day (more like week or month) Ruiner
The ticker has officially begun counting down on when we move out, although there is no official day yet, it's going to be some time in the next 40 days. The three main destinations for our move appear to be Paramount, Carson and Norwalk. I guess with the whole divorce, some things are just unavoidable. I've come to the conclusion that I really don't care anymore where we move to as long I have somewhere to put my bike. I'll find a way to make it to school on time at 8 am and make my way home when I leave school at 9 pm. I've never been scared to ride at night but it worries others when I do (which makes complete sense and I don't blame them since I've already been hit in the past in the middle of the night [wait, does 1:30 am count as middle of the night or a little after?).

Korean BBQ: Day Maker
Yesterday I went to eat Korean BBQ with John, Julio, Kim, Danny, Roxana, Gaby and Nichole. We were there for almost two hours just laughing, eating and having a good time. Our waitress got really annoyed with us due to us staying for a long time but it's not my fault the place is all you can eat. The beef was really good and I wanted more, is that too much to ask for? (I'm pretty sure to our waitress the answer was yes)

Young Tiger: Day Maker
My friend Clara showed me this video on youtube of an old TV show called Uncle Morty's Dub Shack. It was a sketch comedy show but they also dubbed some some Asian Bollywood movies and made them hilarious. My favorite one of all of them is called "Young Tiger" and is just way too funny. I think I've seen it minimally twenty times already.

Gwar/DevilDriver Tour: Day Maker
DevilDriver are touring the States one more time this winter and I can't wait to go. They put on a great show to say the least and their energy is only matched by a few bands I've seen live (Arch Enemy, As I Lay Dying and probably Trivium like 3 years ago. Cannibal Corpses and Opeth are in a different category because they pretty much tell jokes between songs and Between the Buried and Me just plays because they don't really have time to spare, their show is damn good too.) I'll never get tired of seeing DevilDriver live. November better come soon.

No Cereal: Day Ruiner
Jesus X, what am I suppose to eat for breakfast when I wake up in the morning? Everyday I'm the first one up around the house (I would like to average the time out to about 7 am) and no one really gets up until around 8:30. I get hungry in that time and when there is no cereal to eat, well not fun times for my stomach.

Gossip About Shit My Dad Says: Day Ruiner
The last couple of days my mom has been bugging the shit out of me for things my dad is saying while in Mexico. Mom, I don't give a single fuck. I never have and I never will. I am your mother fucking son, let me live in piece instead of fucking trying to make me pick sides in our already torn family. Yes I understand you hate him with every cell in your body and I personally believe you have all the right to but just keep me the fuck out. You've been playing the same mother fucking game with me for the past four years and I doubt you're going to stop playing anytime soon. I've been tired of all this shit for years.

One in a Million

I went to the California Science Center today on my bike and walked around amazed like it was my first time there. I read every sign and informative pamphlet. I played with the interactive sets and sat under the water starring at fish as they would pass by. Science amazes me, but it wasn't exactly that which made my time there enjoyable (even though I was alone). It was the museum feel of it. I LOVE museums. I can't even put an emphasis on it. They're so awesome because you can learn so much from it as well as just starring in awe at everything you see. I'm planning to go to the LACMA and the Museum of Latin American Art on either August 4th or 5th since being a Bank of America cardholder allows me to get in for free the first weekend of every month. Last year I went to the Natural History Museum and I really want to go again soon, the dinosaur exhibit is just out of this world.

I know what I do is very unusual for a 20 year old college metal head, but I enjoy every moment of it. There is only one of me.

I'm not average and never plan on being it.

Gio's Birthday

Last night was Gio's birthday. He says he can't believe he's 20 and I tell him to stop bitching. This was Gio's first ever birthday party and I believe it was done in the best way possible, as a surprise party. I told Gio to come over to my house because we were going to go to a random soccer event that my stepdad had gotten invited to and I wanted him to come along. So what ended up happening was that I would invite everyone over first and then Gio would get here. When Gio got here, my entire house was empty due to everyone hiding in my room while I showed Gio my newest puppies (everyone was trying to steal them). When we came back in, there was everyone just sitting nonchalantly in the living room just to say "SURPRISE." We ended off the day by eatting pizza, playing Guitar Hero and what I would consider one of the coolest birthday cakes I've ever seen. It was a cookies and cream ice cream cake with 20 pink candles in the form of a heart and a gallows with a hanging skeleton.

Throwing this whole thing was really fun even though we forgot about paper plates and had to improvise. All of this would not have been possible with my friend America's help. She called everyone in advanced, helped me set up and picked out the cake that we would use. When you read this, thank you.

[insert whatever you would like here]

There is no easy way to tell this story i really wish was only fiction. Maybe it's because of my history and relationship with my parents that my fear of death doesn't exist. I am currently sitting in front of a closed California Science Center writing all of this. I don't plan on leaving until Im done and this might take a while. It's currently 6:30 so lets see how this goes. Anyways, on my walk here i constantly pondered the "what if i were to die right now?" question. I wouldn't consider my neighborhood safe as i have been jumped in the past by gang bangers and someone dies every here and there. But if i were to die today i would feel like i have not contributed enough to my believed job (or jorb) of making others smile, laugh and feel better at the end of the day to die happy or at least satisfied. I have two reasons for this, one is because there are people in my life who have been there for me and continue doing it even when they're least aware of it and i will always be there for those that need me. Second, i want to die riding a bicycle after I graduate from college. The day i graduate i want all my friends to be there because they're all the ones who keep me going. I don't care at all if my parents are "proud" of me when I graduate. I've gone through life with very little support from them, so fuck them both.

Now that im done rambling, time to get to the actual story that led myself to not wanting to move.

I come from a family with hidden secrets but also is dominated by fear. My father is gay and married my mother to hide his personal sexuality from his family. I was born as proof that he wasn't gay. My sister, shares the same exact story but sadly is shadowed by doubt she has yet to find out about. Around the same time my mother was impregnated with my sister, my father was diagnosed with HIV. That was back in 99 and 13 years have passed but yet no studies have been done to check whether or not she even she has the virus herself. Every night when i go to bed i fear the worst. She's too young to die, id rather trade my own. Continuing on, my mother is not sure herself whether or not she has the virus. How can you fear death when around you it is an existing possibility? Like i stated earlier, this was in 99, and the current year finds itself to be 2012. My parents got divorced in 2008. Lets place this shit into perspective, for nine years i was part of a "family" that considered it "happy" and "loving." why 9 years you ask? Because the same year my mom got pregnant, she caught my father cheating on her with a another man. They didn't separate so my sister and i could be raised by both parents and both be loved. Didn't they ever suspect that it would have been better to have come clean from the beginning? i consider myself a bastard son who only finds happiness in the friends i have and activities i do. I don't have to talk about the friends part again because this blog has constancy gone over that. Without them i would be nothing. No one to laugh along with and no one to make smile. Activities, they keep my mind off these thoughts. Whenever i ride my bike, there's only one thing on my mind, am i going to get there alive?

During the entire divorce there was only one person who would ask me "how are you feeling / taking all this?" and that was Gio. When i needed my parents the most, they were too busy fighting with each other and trying to make them look bad in front of me and slowly revealing all the secrets and lies that they have shared over the years. Do you think i want to wake up one morning and have my mom confess to me that my father has HIV and could die at almost any time on any day. I was a 17 year old who at a point in time was more preoccupied with trying to graduate school more than pay attention to the divorce that had not only torn our "family" to shreds, but fucking ripped my own insides to shreds. That was the day i finally decided that my parents don't actually love me. All i wanted was some one to be fucking happy and proud of me at the end of the day. That is why i search for acceptance of myself. Before i started college, my father confessed to me that he never actually believed that i was going to even finish high school, let alone graduate. I dont think I've never had a bigger slap to the face than that moment in time. It still haunts my mind everyday. I've always hoped at least my friends are proud of me.

The house. The house i live in has a lot of sentimental value to me because that is where all my struggles have occurred. All the dark moments in which my true colors have shown all rose from there. This year marked my tenth anniversary living there. The place where my mom confessed me my dad's secret, where my dad told me of his own under estimation of me and the place where social services almost took my sister and i away. This is also where i fell in love with Crunchbite and where my direct neighbors ignored me (i didn't fucking need them anyways). this is also the house where i was accused of stealing from one of my neighbors and the place where Gio's and I's friendship really kicked off after he taught me to take the metro one night after school. This is also the house that has seen two robberies and two different families and i have been the only constant. </p>
<p>Friends have come and gone but the two who i have had since I've lived in the neighborhood have always been the same: Ed and Irving. (Chris doesn't count since he lives with Ed.) I've known them both since 6th grade which translates into 8 years in September. I met Ed in the homeroom of 6th grade and Irving lived across the street from him at that point in time. The four of us all continue being extremely good friends. They all bought PS3s and were the only reason I even bought one myself haha. Back to the house and neighborhood, beyond the few block radius lives America and Gio. I don't know where Id be without either. I love these two. I don't want to leave. The proximity of all of us has brought us together as great friends. Moving farther away feels like I'll lose them all. They all make me laugh and smile like not many can. Well this is all for now and I will update it when i get home later. It is currently 8:40 and very windy to say the least.

The End of All It Represents

It's hard hiding a secret (this is what I consider it but I'm really not sure what to label it because I haven't shared it with a single soul, both human or dog) sometimes, especially when you're not sure how it will actually end itself. I'm just going to put it out there because I'm still not sure how even to explain it. I'm moving in two or three weeks to a new house or apartment that will most likely place me in a new neighborhood. I've known this for the past month. How this will affect my commuting to school, who knows, but I'm going to miss living so close to Gio, Ed, America and Irving. My mom has been looking a lot recently to move to Carson. I want to say more but can't bring myself to do it. I don't know, but I need to vent it out through my blog. It brings me to tears just thinking about it. The house and neighborhood have large sentimental value to me. I'm going to write a large blog that's a lot more indepth because this situation is complicated, really fucking complicated. Until then...