Concealing Moments Alone

A lot of people (including myself) have a tendency to conceal sadness, depression, etc, but I want to talk about obscuring happy moments. Those time when we really shouldn't be hiding our feelings. Every person should have the right to just scream like a little girl and not give a damn. I say enjoy every moment of joy. I've done the 'jump around the room with the door closed so no one sees' thing many times just so my mom wouldn't give me a weird look.

This past weekend was my birthday but I could have cared less about turning 20. What brought rejoice was having spent it with my friends and I'm pretty sure they got that. It was one of those days where you erase all your problems for a handful of hours.

I'm kinda curious to know why people have a tendency to not let these emotions flow. Just let life and enjoy your time in it. A person's perception of what it means to be happy changes constantly over time and people should take the time to really find what makes them happy inside. For me, it's just spending time with friends.

Suffering & Religion

"If God exists, then why do people suffer?" This seems to e the fundemental question to religion. But a question that never really gets asked is "If God created the world/people/animals/galaxy, then why did he create other Gods for people to worship?" Our all-powerful super-saiyan friend specifically says in the Ten Commandments that "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." Curiosity killed the cat...or God killed it for asking.

I'm an Atheist and that's nothing new, but it has begun to bug me more to see the religious and non-religious advocating their beliefs at street corners. Religion does not come to you, you are suppose to find it on your own. A baby is born without culture, identity, religion and language. These are all important things they learn through exposure. I was raised in a Mexican culture, identify myself as Jazz the tall weirdo metalhead with long hair, grew up as a Catholic and learned both English and Spanish. As time went by, I was introduced to science and all the great riches of its knowledge.

At the end of the day, as long as religion does not bug, I will not bug it. I don't really have a problem with religion because even if it gives false hope, it gives people hope in one form or another. It makes people more optimistic about life. My optimism comes and goes like many others (coincidentally I'm listening to Dark Tranquillity's "Focus Shift" as I write this). Right now I'm just enjoying life with my friends and taking each day a laugh at a time. Malicious thoughts keep my conscience company. I enjoy viewing things related to darkness and death. Goriness fascinates me yet I'm still a child at heart. I've always wondered if my suffering has led to my liking of metal. As a child I always wondered why God brought pain and suffering to my family. But he doesn't exist and these are things we brought upon ourselves No one really has a choice of whether they want to suffer and how they want to suffer. This is all stuff that kinda happens as life rolls on: breakups, divorces, deaths, puppies dying or walking into the wall. Life has become so random, I just seriously stopped giving a shi(woah). People, relationships and dogs have all come and gone but my friends have stayed. I don't really need anything else to survive the rest of my journey. So many smiles and laughs await me.

The Void In My Heart

Some (more like most days) I feel the absence of something in my heart. I cant pin-point what exactly it may be. Some days I just feel lonely as a person, just wanting someone there to do a little bit of chit chat. Other days I miss the presence of someone truely caring about me. And on other random days, music cant describe me and doesnt fulfil it's job as my motivator and taking my mind off of what's bugging me in life. Fuck my parents' divorce and all it represents. They dragged me into this shit, scarred me for life and just give me the oh well look. What the fuck did I do to deserve this shit? No decision I make is ever the right one. Sorry but I have both love and hate toward both of them in my heart. They'll always be my parents but Im just fucking sick and tired of both. I feel like once again I'm asking for too much, but oh well.
But one thing is for sure and I want to thank Gio, America, Allan, Irving, Zoya, Crisalia, Melissa, Clara, Gaby, and both Kims for keeping me sane and laughing. Extra special shout out for America and Irving, I might hate you both for keeping me up until 3 a.m., but it has always been totally worth it.

My Hair

People constantly ask my when I'm going to cut my hair as if it was something I was doing in my spare time or just for fun. "So dude, you going to cut your hair anytime soon?" I don't ask people when they're going to stop listening to shitty music so why ask me when I'm going to cut my hair. Is it testing your patience? I don't think so. I'm growing out my fucking hair because I want to and I can.

My Beliefs

This morning I showed my mom my Human Paleontology book and explained that it was a long class on evolution, to which my step-dad asked me if I really believed in that stuff. I said yes because we have proof that the Earth and Homo sapiens have for a lot longer than the Bible has claimed. We then had a debate on creationism vs evolution and towards the end, my step-dad tells my mom, “I think your son is an Athiest,” to which I replied, “Yes I am, I believe in science and not God.” The entire conversation pretty much ended right then and there. My mom hasn’t looked at me since and has been in her room for the past hour. We were both raised on Catholic views, so it is understandable that she is very upset.

Go Green Advocates

I'm part of the bicycle club at Cal State Northridge and we promote things like safe cycling, how to repair your bicycle and mainly, you do not have to go everywhere on car, ride your bicycle every here and there. But a problem is that there are a lot of people who say things like "ride bicycles, fuck cars" and other sayings along those lines. They are in no way, shape or form helping out our causes. A lot of us still drive and we understand, that's why we ask for to use their bike on occasion. It's loads of fun and once they realize that, then...they'll realize it. Well good morning and have a great day.

My View of Myself

I view myself as an interesting individual. Half of me is not very unique: I wear all black clothes, have long hair, listen to about 92% metal and heavily invest my hours into video games. Doc Coyle, the guitarist for God Forbid, pointed out that the irony about being a metalhead is that by not conforming to society and choosing to wear all black clothing puts you in a social group with millions of other people. But one thing that is for sure, my colored shirts are very childish indeed, as pointed out by my good friend America (follow her awesome blog here). I have a green Perry the Platypus shirt, a green Green Ranger "Power Rangers" shirt and a yellow Pokemon shirt featuring Pikachu, Squirtle, Charmander and Bulbasaur. My personality is pretty out there just on its own. I'm very ecstatic and view myself as the story telling type. I'm no comedian, but I have a tendency to make others laugh and to smiles on their faces, which in turn puts a smile on mine. Life is interesting like that. Can't complain with awesome people I have around me almost on a daily basis.

Some Days I Just Ask For Too Much

I'm just going to likely touch on the subject right now because I'm tired and have to go to bed because I need to be up by 5:30. Anyways, school is a pain in the ass and you work hard for months with the only gratitude being received is a pat on the back by one's professors. Maybe I'm just asking for too much, but at the end of the day I want someone to be there and tell me "way to go, I'm proud of you" or something around those lines. My parents always find some flaw to get mad at me and I have no significant other besides my dog (which I love to death). College isn't easy (even though my grades are much better in college than in high school) and I wish my parents could understand but whatever. Maybe I'll continue this tomorrow, maybe some other time, or I might just never bring it up. Good night and good luck.

Dispicable

I love Las Chivas Rayadas de Guadalajara with all my heart but right they're sucking because of the coach, Quirarte. Ponce and "El Venado" Medina are dominant on the left side of the field but Quirarte wants them to play as wingers. He's crazy.

Dude Leave My Stuff Alone

Good morning. So my song today is Horse the Band's "Bunnies." I love the song because it's hilarious and just a rant against bunnies. (Yay) But the reason I chose this song for this post is because right now my mom's friend's son is bugging the shit out of me. Let's start from the beginning: last weekend, my mom being a good friend, let her friend and her son move in with us. (They pay rent and stuff so it's not like they're living here for free.) Now, I've had my Playstation 3 in the living room since before they moved in but the kid keeps playing my PS3 without my permission and especially when I'm not home. The other day I came home and he played Uncharted 3 for 4 hours straight from when I got home, but I have no idea how long he had been playing before that. He also starts going through all my games, both the physical copies and my digital games. Last night I was looking for Lego Pirates of the Caribbean and he just grabbed my controller and said, "let's see what other games you have on here." Seriously man, what the fuck. But this isn't even what really annoys me, it's that his mom doesn't let him play video games because of bad grades, (ok, makes sense) so he plays my PS3 every minute his mother isn't home. I'm pretty sure he's really close to finishing Uncharted 3 already and he's only lived here a week. I don't think I've even played the game for over an hour. Well funny story, so he constantly plays FIFA 11 against my step dad and always wins. (My step dad is barely figuring out how to play the Playstation 3. He hasn't played video games since FIFA World Cup 98 on the nintendo 64. So it's almost impossible to lose.) But every time I get home, he always brags about it, "oh today I beat Naim twice." I played against him and destroyed his whole team and won 6-0 (with 25 shots and 17 were blocked by the goalie) and then he's like "oh I suck at FIFA, let's play something else" Yeah that's what I thought. Back to the rant: what annoys me the most out of all of this is that the kid doesn't even know ME. I've met him twice in my life prior to him moving. The day after he moved he made a profile on my PS3. Dude just ask for mother fucking permission. I don't care that you do have a profile, but it bugs the shit out of me that you don't ask first. Anyways, how about that Paquio and Marquez fight last night. One of the best boxing matches I've seen and believe it should've been a draw. Both boxers were great and had great moments of dominance. But oh well. Enjoy your day.