Stratum

I do have to admit myself that it's pretty ridiculous how much soccer can affect my mood on any given day. Two minutes ago, Chivas got eliminated by Guatemala's Xelaju on the difference of away goals in the CONCACAF Champions League. I'm really mad and pissed off right now. They've been frustrating this entire season and this result doesn't really help at all. I'm going to just watch a movie and call it a night. I've lost the desire to anything today.

On a total side note, Drottnar are a Norwegian metal band that sound like Norma Jean, so I like em. Plus they dress like Russian soldiers, which looks so cool.

Burn

Pretty bland day today, but in class we talked about people in Africa who would mutilate albinos for their body parts while they were still alive because they thought it would give them special powers. Regardless of the fact that it was (not sure if it still is) a serious issue, I could not help myself to admitting I thought it was fascinating. I'm pretty sure my professor from New Zealand now thinks I've got some psychological problems.

Last breath

This is death

Hell awaits your soul

Beating On Death's Door

I feel like I'm isolated from the world. I don't talk to anyone where I live and I don't leave the house except to go to school. All my friends live like 30 miles away and I'm stuck with the darkness that is my mind. I think I might be going insane to a certain extent. Death is slowly playing a more prominent role in my mind. I don't really want to welcome it but it's kinda just there, always lurking in the back of my mind. The thought of everyday possibly being my last feels comforting in a way. I'm getting tired of just sitting in my room and blasting music from my computer and record player because of my lack of human interaction. So the great thing about this weekend is that I was able to relieve myself of some of that isolation. Hanging out with some of my friends and grabbing a few slices of pizza was very relaxing and therapeutic. I love hanging out with John. I've known him my whole life and he had a huge influence on my life both academically as personally. I also finally got around to buying my ticket to go see Lamb of God and In Flames on Halloween. I'm really excited to see that show because the pit for Lamb of God is going to be fucking brutal. I really wanted to see some other people in LA but didn't have the opportunity too. Oh well, would have been nice since I miss them.

Keep Your Arms And Legs Inside

I love the little kid that lives in my head and I hope I never grow out of it. I love watching Disney and Pixar movies. Tangled is such an awesome movie, it never gets old. Neither does Ratatouille or The Emperor's New Groove. Even though their movies appeal to a younger generation than myself (I believe I can say that now haha), their jokes seem to never get old. I still love going to Disneyland (even though I haven't gone in a little over a year) and having a good time. None of their rides get old and I'm still trying to get on the Top 10 leader board for that Buzz Lightyear ride. I truly feel like a kid when I'm there. Seeing people freak out on Tower of Terror is always really funny too. I hope I can go again soon and just laugh. I miss the feeling of that place.

Happy With What I Got

I'm glad metal has been that one constant throughout my life. 16 years and on going. I pretty much gave up on discovering new bands and I'm okay with listening to the same albums over and over again. I just put O God, The Aftermath on my record player. The absence of structure throughout the album energizes now as much as it did 7 years ago when I first heard "Charactarantula: Talking to You and the Intake of Glass."

 

Kinda strange how metal has created bonds between myself and some of my closest friends. John, Jeremy, Joshua and I have been talking about heavy metal for the past ten years or so. One of the first conversations Gio and I had was about metal. And the list continues from there. In high school, all my closest friends listened to metal: Gio, Kevin, Ulises, Alex, Jason and Griff. From there came concerts: Dream Theater, Opeth, Between the Buried and Me; DevilDriver; Cannibal Corpse; Slipknot; Mago de Oz; Rammstein; Amon Amarth; Arch Enemy; Cradle of Filth; In Flames; Turisas; Iron Maiden... Now here I am, mid-October waiting for Halloween to come around because I'm going to go see Lamb of God and In Flames and not even a week later, Gwar and DevilDriver. I'm lucky to have always had someone to share the experience with. Looks like I'm more thankful that I even thought that no car has killed me yet. My hair still has a good way to go too until I'm happy with its length. I also think I don't have enough gruesome "that's creepy get away from me" shirts. Haha which reminds me that my mom saw my pentagram shirt and didn't say anything. I want to put pentagrams on everything I own. That's normal right?

Darkness Surrounds Me Tonight

And I will embrace it

Ponder

I'm very fascinated by the deepest corners of my mind. Besides a life full of repressed anger, my mind loves to see me die and I have to admit, so do I. It feels a bit strange in explain this in a non-weird way. But the way it essentially works is that every day since I had death scare a month ago, my mind has created scenarios that attempt to predict my death. Every scenario ranges between being ran over by a car, car accident, hit-and-run and getting a nice pack of bullets to the chest and head. But it is the days that I go on bike rides when my imagination really kicks it into high gear. On these days, full chain reactions play out. One of my favorites has been me slipping on a liquid, slamming into a car as I fall and ultimately get ran over by another car that cannot react fast enough and move out of the way. I think I like the bike riding ones the best since they are the most likely ones to happen. Los Angeles has the highest death toll of cyclists. Just laying down where I currently find myself and closing my eyes triggers its own scene. Life is just as random as the roll of the di, we'll see when death comes knocking on my door.

This is the part where the plane falls out of the sky and kills me like in Donnie Darko.

Hey Brother, Welcome To Hell

I've never really felt like the black sheep of the family as much as last night. My uncle call me uneducated and called out the American school system because they don't teach the belief in God or creationism. It was really stupid how it all started though because I was trying to explain to him that when you go out to walk after eating, it doesn't actually help you digest your food any faster, but instead stops your digestion completely. He called bullshit and said that school was obviously misinforming me of how the body works. I know how strong of faith everyone in my family has in Catholicism and many times it feels like they could shun me at any moment just for not believing in the imaginary person in the sky. Just because I believe in science (regardless of the fact that it is NOT a religion) doesn't make me any less of a person. Overall though, I think I might just be over thinking all of this, but I still feel a bit insulted on the inside. What if my sister also ends up not believing in God? That would mean that the both us could be looked at as uneducated and alienated based off of having opposed views than that of our family. At the moment, she's already not sure what to believe in but has all this pressure to believe in God. Damn you religion for teaching to shun others.

Another strange thing that happened yesterday, was that while the family was eating dinner, there were two guys sitting next to us talking about how they would rate themselves as attractive to girls. They had a one to ten scale of this stuff. One of them kept saying, "I'm at least a 7.5" several times. I would have never came up with something like that. Then again, I don't consider myself attractive so no real need for one. Easily solves everything hahaha.

That Feeling Inside

Every time I move my arm, I feel a small bit of pain. And everyday I have that lingering worry on the back of my mind of the possibility of having fractured my wrist. I know it all has to do with my wrist slamming directly into the ground, but nothing more than. Maybe Im just over worrying and it will all go away soon.

To Disarm The Stars Within Us

I'm tired, sleepy and just out of it tonight so I can do nothing but his the haystacks early haha. Yesterday was a stupendous day, to say the least. America and I were pretty much passed out in laziness for a few hours before we walked over to the library so I could renew my books. In the process of looking for a bathroom, we ran into Clara, Gaby and Kim. We sat with them and had this hilarious conversation about how Tyler Perry movies essentially appeal to the black demographic and I couldn't help myself but push Kim's buttons in the conversation. I really missed that feeling of hanging out on campus and laughing like in past semesters. Upon finishing our mission on campus, we went back to being lazy and watched The Nightmare Before Christmas (just like last year). What was cool was that on the bonus features, we discovered that it also includes the Frankenweenie short. Following that we finally got around to trying Tom N Toms coffee in Koreatown. I still find it so strange that there are so many in such a small proximity. What was funny though, is that at the first one we went to, the expresso machine wasn't working. This resulted in fleeing to the other Tom N Toms coffee shop...across the street. Their frapps taste like every other one out there...like sugar haha. It was still good though, so no real worry there. The highlight was still easily celebrating America's birthday early by going to the midnight screening of Frankenweenie. We both acted like little kids going around and taking pictures here and there. The movie itself was spectacular and is way better than I would have thought. Tim Burton topped himself and created some of the most hilarious movie moments ever captured. To say the least, I really fell in love with the movie. The dark humor was too good, plus add in your signature awkward characters. Everything just fell in place. After the film, there was an exhibit with all these models used in the film plus a machine where you could build static electricity and make your hair raise like a mad scientist. Well, America got the GREAT idea of passing on the electricity to me while still using the machine. What made things worse is that I actually was up for it. When our fingers touched, this blue lightening bolt thingy came out between and besides the shock of the electricity passing from her to me, the bolt gave me a good scare. All in all, yesterday was definitely a good day.

Civilization

The thought of being stuck in school for a very long time does not frighten me. I find it more saddening than anything else. Convincing myself that it is in my best interests in the long run is the important part here. Whether I like it or not, my profession forces me to get a Ph. D in order to get anywhere in the discipline. No one wants to be in school for ten years. Even as I write this, I'm pretty much telling myself, "oh well dude, can't really do much." I think the difference here is my love for Anthropology. I feel like there is so much I still have yet to learn about the world, that it makes my own Mexican-American culture seem so bland and boring. So many people don't really think about how much our culture actually plays into effect in the way we as people act, judge and rationalize. It's really crazy. I want to say so much more, but I need to keep studying for my Critical Race and Theory midterm tomorrow. Smell ya later everyone.

The Burning Lantern

I need to final a proper way to channel the darkness that consumes my mind. For now, I will use King Diamond haha. I love "Arrival." Easily one of the best intros of all time.

That Loss of Feeling

Being injury prone isn't necessarily a positive trait to have and promote. Do I hate it? Yes. That's the simple way to put it. I've sprained my hands, ankles, messed up my knees, broken my arm,  dislocated my jaw and lost partial feeling in my left pinky and ring finger. The strange thing about the loss of feeling is that it appears to be a permanent thing. It's been almost a month since my accident happened where I cut open different parts of the body and now leave permanent scars. But that accident also brought my closest kiss to death and I feel that my body reminds me that with my fingers. Even though the scrape next to my eye healed, it was so close to my eye that had it not have been for my helmet, I would have probably been blind in an eye had I not died.